Boy, do I need to get this off my chest...
I've only told my BF because I needed to share the shock and awe of it all...but I'm sitting on it for a few days before I tell the rest of my posse cuz it just needs to sink in a little.......
I honestly can't remember right now if I blogged about this a few weeks ago but when I was home for the blissful Fourth of July weekend, my sister went on a date. This is the sister that lost her husband last March '04 to cancer. The guy she went with is great - I've known him for quite a while...he lost his wife to cancer on the 1 yr anniversary of my bro-in-law's death. (It's coming back to me, I'm pretty sure I blogged this - sorry for the repeat)
Well, I've been calling home fairly regularly to check in on Dad and Mom's been giving me the updates....R came over for dinner, my sis and R went to church together last Sunday, and so on...this past weekend Mom tells me the R brought up marriage already but that my sis wanted to take it slowly. (Phew, I thought and so did my mom.)
So, my wonderful mother calls me at the CRACK OF DAWN this morning - woke me out of a dead sleep because I stayed up way tooooo late last night organizing - to wish me a Happy Birthday! I freaked slightly because I thought for a moment my mom had lost it - the 'big day' isn't until Saturday - but then she told me she feared she wouldn't catch me on my birthday, knowing me. Hee hee hee, my mom really does know me BEST OF ALL.
Anywho...she then proceeds to update me on everyone...which leads to her telling me that my sister is engaged to R and they're planning a November wedding.
I can't believe I typed that as calmly as I did. No caps even. Yeah me.
This isn't a shotgun wedding, my sister is going to be 53 in December - no prego worries there. Their first date was July 2nd. Nineteen days ago. Now, they've known each other for years and of course, the argument of 'life being short' certainly rings true for these two people - I just hope this is a Godly decision...for both of them. They really aren't two crazy nuts just going on a whim (even though if I were you, I so wouldn't believe that last line, either.) I think it's more that neither one of them have ever - and I mean ever - really known life without a spouse.
For me, never having had a spouse - I can only guess that that must be, well, a lot of things - none of which are pleasant to them. I'm so torn over this...I'm happy for my sister...really, I am. The last 2-3 years of her marriage to my bro-in-law wasn't so much 'marriage' as it was caretaker and patient. It, as you can imagine, was the most difficult thing she's ever experienced and I want her to have the companionship I know she's been longing for for quite awhile now...
But it's the idea of feeling like I'm being 'forced to' let go of my bro-in-law...I know I don't have to, I have the memories, he'll always be in our hearts, etc etc etc...I don't downplay any of that. For my sister to so quickly 'jump into' this next phase of her life feels like some of those memories are being jerked around for me and it stinks. At least for right now, as I am trying to process it all, it stinks.
Who knows, maybe there's even more there than I care to admit...am I jealous? Could be. Am I hurting for my nephew who tells his mom that he's fine with her decision but wonder if he really is? (He's 23, big boy, can make his own decision.) I ultimately trust God to guide and direction them and I know I sincerely am happy for her. I just gotta go with it...she wants my help in planning the family shindig...how could I not help! :)
Well, thanks again Blog Friends, for letting me purge this all over you. Any thoughts, advice, jokes? ;) Take care y'all!
posted by cookie723 @ 11:45 AM
4 Comments:
Cookie, I have a friend who's dad died in January due to Cancer.
His mom is also 53 and she is already talking about getting out and meeting new men.
At first I was shocked and then I realized that these people are alone all of the sudden and their kids and everyone else is going on with their lives, but for some reason we expect them to stop living because there spouse has moved on.
How long is long enough time between death and re-marriage? I think that decision has to be solely up to the widow and everyone else has to be understanding. They are the one's that have suffered most, not us, and in the end it is their decision to make.
And as far as letting your brother-in-law go you never have to do that. Each time I go back to this friends house I am reminded of his Father, each time I am around his kids and wife I am reminded of what a good job he did raising them, his life continues in their hearts and yet I think there is room in their hearts for another man if their mother decides to remarry.
That is a lot to digest. No wonder you had to get it off of your chest! That is what we are here for A!
Wow, that's big news! I can understand the mixed feelings. But, you know what they say, the real proof of a great marriage is if the surviving spouse gets married again soon. I told Steve if I die before him, he better get married right away, or he'll be in BIG trouble!! :) what's the date in November? maybe our sisters are getting married on the same day!!
Wow. . . I've seen a lot of one-author blogs, and so many times they are so self-involved and navel-gazing. This one really engages the world and other people--and with so much expressiveness. There's a lot of substance and spirituality, too. You're a star--Bless your little heart! ; )
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