It's not Thursday?

Woke up this morning so thinking it was tomorrow...a private little yipee to myself - tomorrow's Friday! Then I realized it was only Wednesday...and remembered my mom always saying how my grandmother would say over & over - 'Stop wishing your life away!' Sorry grandma...;)
This past weekend a close friend of my parents passed away. She had suffered from Alzheimer’s for over 10 years now and her husband (in his mid 90's God bless him...) would visit her every day to make sure she had at least one decent meal. They had such a beautiful marriage. And I think of my parents - wow. This April will be their 57th anniversary and talk about a picture of commitment, trust, and love...I well up just thinking about it. As the youngest of the eight children they raised, I have been so very blessed to watch them live out that love.
Over these last few weeks of making sure people knew about the demise of my most recent relationship, encouraging them with the heartfelt 'really, I'm ok, it's a good thing' line, helping with the impending wedding of my best friend, hearing stories of married friends and the 'fun' they have in their marriages (and really - reading some of YOUR blogs out there - I love how honest you guys are when you talk about your spouse!) I stopped to think about the work and dedication it truly takes to make a marriage work. For my parents' friends - I'm sure when Mr. T married Mrs. T over 60 years ago, he wasn't thinking about the possibility of the role he took on these last 12-14 years. For my parents, did they ever imagine their life together when they hit their mid 70's? I guess I'm floundering in the realm of what 'love' is really all about...it's about the joys and 'fun' and trials at times but for me, I'm realizing more and more - it's about the long haul...through the mediocre times, through the 'you're really pissing me off times', through the 'you have no idea who I am anymore' times....
I'm not questioning if it's worth it - from all I've observed, I know it is. I just really wonder if it's out there for me...a good friend of mine said to me the other night that she really doubts my soulmate is out there because I'm such an amazing person. (REALLY not tooting my horn here - she just sees me as this independent, 'with it', all put together and still crazily fun person - don't you wanna get to know me?? ;) ) And I thought, gee, what if he's not? I know I'm not fooling any of you, yes, I've thought that before but I guess in the context of where my brain has been these last few weeks...what if I don't find that person who will wipe drool from my mouth if I'm diagnosed with ALS? What if I forget everyone and everything from my life, will I have that spouse who still visits me every day without fail? What if I never have sex? (so another blog)
I know there are others who don't marry....it's not like it's a plague or anything. But to try and think about life without that person who will (like in "Shall We Dance?" Susan Sarandon's character says) 'witnesses my life' as we experience it together...gee...I just have never really given any deep thought to that distinct possibility.
So it's not Thursday (yet) and I haven't found my soulmate (yet). I promise not to wish my life away and I also promise I won't toss out any lifelong dreams...I've seen too much and been looking forward to 'em for too long...I just let myself think outside those dreams every once in awhile...here's to Thursday!